5 Stages of Grief

Ask Miss Lisa (Love, Inspiration, Straight-talk, Activation)

If TODAY is THE day…

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance

I did not realize I was grieving my old life until I reached the final stage of Acceptance.

Once I reached the acceptance stage, it became clear to me that I had been grieving. I researched the 5 stages because I thought these stages only applied when you lost someone you loved. After doing the research, I realized that I had in fact lost someone…the old me and the life I was living.

Research suggests that not everyone experiences all 5 stages or that they are not all experienced in order, but it happened exactly in this order for me.

Denial - It started on April 22, 2021, when I went to the doctor because I thought I had a slipped disc in my back only to find out I had the blood cancer known as multiple myeloma, which I had never heard of before! I could not believe it! It took me a few weeks to wrap my head around the fact that my life will never be the same because I have CANCER.

Anger - I thought “This can’t possibly be happening to me. I am a good person and I have lived my life helping others.” Some of my friends even said, “why do bad things happen to good people, while the bad ones seem to always get what they want?” I was angry for many months, but my anger ended the day my new physical therapist came to visit me after my hip surgery.

I was busy whining and complaining about how unfair this all was and the fact that I will never be able to do certain things. I could see her getting visibly upset then she just couldn't take it anymore and said, "Well image going through all of this at the age of 10!" I said "what", she said my son just got out of the hospital after one of many 30-day stays because they are concerned about the bones in his neck. He has bone cancer and had his knee and hip replaced all before he was 7 years old!"...The Lord knows just what we need...when we need it! I felt like I had been slapped. Girl, you need to be grateful not angry! Cancer is not a punishment.

Bargaining - When I was in so much pain that I could not even stand a hug from my husband, I asked God to bring me home. The doctors told me that bone pain is the most difficult to endure and I didn’t realize it at the time, but the cancer had caused my bones to dissolve completely in some areas of my body.

Depression - The depression began when I was informed that the cancer had dissolved two large holes in my right hip which would require surgery to place a rod from my hip to my knee. I have only been in the hospital once and that was over 30 years ago when my first daughter was born.

Once they performed the surgery on my leg, they also sent me for X-rays of my spine because I could not move! Thank God the lack of movement was temporary, but they informed me that the cancer had also caused the bones in my spine to dissolve so I was fitted for a back brace that I will have to wear for the rest of my life.

This information took me over the edge. I had to acknowledge the fact that I will never be able to drive, hike or move furniture which meant…I would have to stop doing something that brought me much joy…running my own organizing and moving business. It hit me that I was disabled and out of work!

I am a huge believer in therapy, so I called one of my clients who happened to be a therapist and asked for a referral. She referred me to the perfect person. The therapist let me know that the feelings were understandable under the circumstances, but they could be overcome…because I really wanted to LIVE! I have been depressed off and on for over 6 months. I didn’t want to do anything, and I complained about all the things that I could no longer do. I must depend upon others for many of my activities of daily living. As a recovering control freak, I struggled with this one the most.

…then in comes ACCEPTANCE!

It was like a light bulb just went off last week. It finally registered that I am still here, and I can still live a happy and productive life. I didn’t get here on my own. I sought therapy and I have the most amazing family and friends who constantly reminded me that I still have so many other things I CAN do. I just had to figure out how to live my new life in different ways.

I took my first trip out of town last week since my diagnosis. I had to get a handicapped room and I felt “some type of way” about it, but I had a great time! I accept the fact that my life is different, and I am GRATEFUL TO GOD to still be here to figure it out!

My prayer is that we all learn to LIVE every day of our lives. I took so many things for granted in the past, but never again!

We pray that this has blessed you in some way and hope that you share are our stories with others who might be helped by our ability to tell our truth in love! We also encourage you to submit stories...you never know who will be helped!

Matthew 5:14-16

Peace be with YOU!

Lisa